The Workermonkey

Saturday, August 04, 2012

day 35 prolog: the burns and ramirez adventure 

# posted by Supreme Monkey Overlord @ 8/04/2012 10:55:00 PM

when burns and ramirez figured out they were running low on drugs, someone had mentioned to them that maybe an old police station could have something in the evidence locker. them being the sort of fellows who would be interested in that type of thing decided to steal a motorcycle and find one.

they drove to the next town over and followed the signs to the police barracks. they found the building no problem but it had been ransacked and picked clean. a police station is a pretty high profile target during the apocalypse. they kept riding to the next town and the next town finding the same thing. they’d been on the road for three days and on their 9th station before they hit something.

when they got to the station it was covered in roamers. their presence had alerted most of them. they weren’t the quietest people, and they were a little high. it's not that they found no drugs in the other stations, they just found barely enough for themselves. when tripping face is the norm it takes a constant supply to keep you going. they’d found enough LSD to flash fry a kodiak, about an ounce of weed and a dozen grams of crystal meth at the several stations they’d already been to. this was enough to keep them going for now. the meth was not something they needed or wanted to do, but they’ll find a market for it, no problem.

they’d stopped on the side of the road to survey the station. the town had been built in a little valley with a small main street that intersected with the state road crossing through it. at the top of the hill was a gas station and a tackle shop. they pulled into the gas station hoping to find something.

their bike had been easy to keep fueled, there were more then enough abandoned cars on the road to with gas in them. they couldn't’ carry much so it really was just a drug run. they’d marked some locations where’d they left supplies so they could come back later with a bigger vehicle.

the gas station had been sacked already but plenty of food still on the shelf. surprisingly, there were lighters, sodas, bottles of water and plenty of stuff still untouched here. ramirez was a little skeptical since this seemed too good to be true. they decided to set up camp for a few minutes and fill up on food and supplies. it was a rare opportunity they could gorge on extra food. ramirez grabbed all the nuts and protein bars he could while burns grabbed twinkies and honey buns while washing it down with monster energy drink and mr pibb.

looking down into the valley they could see the police station right on the corner of the highway and main st. there were a few other shops around it that had been broken into but not fully looted. there were a lot of zombies roaming the streets all around it. the other buildings and narrow streets had kept them all kind of confined in the bowl of the valley. they weren’t really able to get out. it looked at is they were being collected by the mountain range, a zombie pond in its valley.

this posed a problem, they couldn’t get close to the police station with all those zombies around. burns was getting a bit jittery, he needed to smoke. ramirez was full and content for now after having eaten. he was more interested in relaxing and being happy for a few minutes. while they sat in silence eating, burns got up and walked over to the propane cage and found a few cylinders in it. they were empty but still had enough juice to be dangerous. burns tuned to ramirez and in a cold, monotone voice stated: “i’ve got a plan”.

ramirez was more concerned with the plan than the zombies. burns opened the cage and took two propane tanks, tied them to the bike and started it up. “come on, we can do this, there's not that many of them.”
“not that many? they are all over the place, how are we going to clear them out, we don’t have enough ammo and if we just started shooting we’d attract more?!”
“What? why would we shoot the poor lost ?” the poor lost? fuck, burns had more acid than we thought. ramirez is now scared more of burns on acid wielding a gun and propane tanks than zombies freely roaming around them.

burns hauled ass towards the center of town. ramirez just tried to stay on the bike and didn’t have time to ask questions. they took a left a hundred yards or so from the station and then towards an apartment complex on the edge of the populated area. the roamers were scattered enough that they could get past them and not attract too much attention. as they got closer and closer though, they were being followed by more and more slow moving roamers.

they pulled up alongside of the main entrance to an apartment complex with 4 small buildings that housed maybe 60 people total. it was packed next to another gas station and a small auto shop on one side, a check cashing service and chicken and waffles house on the left. burns stopped the bike but left it running.
“wait here, i’ll be right up, inside. i’ll start it.”
“fuck me, you’re tripping balls aren’t you? damn it, what are we doing here?”
burns looked at ramirez with bewilderment and stated: “the movers need to see the light.”
“the light? what light? its going to be dark soon, there's no light here, man, get your shit together or you’re going to get us both killed!”
burns replied, “i’m going to start the light” and grabbed both propane tanks off the bike. he walked up the stairs and kicked open the main door to the complex. ramirez stayed on the bike and took a look around. the street out in front ran down towards the center of town and off up the hill in the other direction. there were mostly old colonial houses around with a few small shops sprinkled in between. not much room to run and a ton of places for roamers to hide. this area wasn’t safe at all.

just before ramirez was ready to freak out and head in after burns, he heard a gunshot inside. burns immediately pushed the front door open and walked quickly towards the bike. “what the fuck was that asshole! a gunshot? you're going to draw too much attention to us! they can hear that all over the valley! fuck man, we got like 2 minutes to get out of here before every dead head in a 5 mile radius comes down on us!”

“yeah, good. lets go now”
“umm.. you ok? fuck how much did you drop up there? damn it get on the bike we need to leave.”
“no, go to police.”
“go to police? you’re fucking done man, just god damn fried aren’t you?”
“go”
hiissssSSSSSS BOOOOM!!!!!!!
“WHATTHEFUCKWASTHATASSHOLE!” the front of the building had just blown up and was currently in flames. the propane tanks must have gone off.
“i blew up the tanks. that should draw the movers and show them the light.” ramirez just looked at him with a cold blank stare, that ball tripping prick had worked up one hell of a distraction and was high enough to have no clue what he was doing. that magnificent bastard.

burns had started a fire in the middle of the floor. one of the propane tanks was sitting in the middle and the other was in the next room. the gunshot had been burns shooting a hole in the tank in the other room, the room was filling with gas while he walked out. when the main fire finally reached the other room it had ignited, and both tanks had blown up. the whole complex would be on fire soon and the noise was loud enough to attract everything within 10 miles, zombie or not.

“holy shit, we got like no time man, if this is your plan, lets fucking skip the acid next time” ramirez threw burns across the back of the bike and took off towards the police station. every roamer they passed was headed to the fire. they’d heard the noise and were headed towards it. the street to the police station was not clear but all the zombies had other priorities, the distraction seemed to be working. like moths to a flame the “movers” were headed to the fire.

all the glass in the front of the building had been broken and there were a few signs of struggle in the front of the station. it looked like a grenade had gone off in the lobby and blown everything to bits. there were a few dead bodies and a few roamers in there but nothing ramirez couldn’t handle with an axe. burns was a fucking mess, he’d been licking the leather seat of the bike for the last 5 minutes and drooling over the prospect of “soft, golden, rectangulars”.
“fuck man, just hold on long enough to get out of here, i’m going to look around”.
there wasn’t much to see, this was a small town and it looked like most of the guns had already been taken. quite a few dead bodies around here though, maybe there was a shoot out. ramirez was looking for the evidence room though, thats what they were after.

wondering the halls of the station was strange, a few abandoned offices, bathrooms, empty cells, not much more than what you’d expect in a small town. he had found the maintenance room and entrance to the garage but no evidence locker yet. there was a guard booth by the gate to the police parking lot. ramirez went over to it to see if maybe  there were some keys handy. there were a few cars in the lot and a swat van he was eyeing in the corner.

the booth was only a few feet square but held the most amazing thing he’d ever seen. a 12 gauge shotgun under the counter and a board full of key rings to all the different cruisers. he grabbed a handful but there was one that especially caught his attention. it had a skull pendant on the key ring right next to a hello kitty USB drive. odd thought ramirez, he didn't’ see any pink cruisers and there weren’t any hyundais in the parking lot :)

he took the fist full of keys over to the closest cruiser with no luck. the next car over opened up right away but had no gas in it. he’d be better off with the bike. the third car over was an old crown vic but it had a boot on it. car number 4 wouldn’t even open. the swat van was the only one left.

rumble rumble krrrruuuuccCCCKKKK!! THOOM!!!! there was a brutal rumble in the background and suddenly the ground had shook with a rapturous explosion in the distance. ramirez ran past the booth and out into the street behind the station trying to see what happened. there was a 60 ft fireball coming from the direction of the apartment complex they’d just been at. best bet was that the gas station next door had gone up in flames and the underground tanks had blown. this was a problem, there's no way that went un-noticed.

“fuck i need to get burns and get out of here. this going to get ugly fast.” ramirez ran towards the swat van for one last try. he needed a car to run over any walkers that would be in the way, a high speed escape wouldn’t be possible without something that could plow through all the zombies they’d come across. those explosions would attract them all, from all over, they’d be running into hordes of walkers, and going against the grain.

the swat van was open on the side, it looked like a navy blue UPS truck. when ramirez got in, he immediately noticed that it was still fully loaded. there were kevlar vests, mp5 navys, handcuffs, riot gear and smoke grenades all over the floor in the back. this thing was a jackpot! ramirez went through almost every key he had in the ignition with no luck. the last set was the one with a skull and hello kitty thumb drive. “really? there's no way this po-dunk town has a hello kitty swat van... no way...” the key fit the ignition perfectly and started the van on the first turn. “damn it, damn it. fucking pussy’s.” he drove the van over to the booth and opened the gate. a few roamers stumbled in but he could just push through them in the van. burns was still around front and he needed to collect him before anything went wrong.

plowing over a few zombies to get to the front of the building was no big deal, this van could handle quite a bit. they were still headed in the direction of the fire. it was a surprising amount of zombies that were headed into the valley and over towards the explosions. ramirez didn’t have time to worry about it though, if they stayed much longer they’d just be over run by crazyness. he pulled up to the front of the station and got out looking to burns.

ramirez found the bike but burns was nowhere in sight. “fuck, where did that retard go?” he looked in all the immediate rooms with no luck. the first thing to go through his head was asking how long he waits for burns. was he worth it? he’d just be using more of his drugs, not something he had enough to share. was it worth it? how long would this last? burns was just as likely to stab him in the eye with a pez dispenser as he was to share some mescaline. he headed back to the van when he stopped to smell the air. it smelled like burning rubber, what the hell?

just then, ramirez hears a crash and then sees the wall of the lobby give way to a hulk busting out into the street. the cement block scattered across the street and laid waste to  all the cars parked on the side of the street. in one fell swoop it flipped a car and kicked a post office box. ramirez dropped a nut and let out a weak chirp in utter panic. a hulk was nothing to be messed with and if you caught it’s attention you were fucked. it just wanted to kill everything and was simple enough to just smash anything that was dumb enough to move within eyesight. if he wanted to live he’d have to sit still and just wait it out. at this point fuck burns, escaping a hulk was far more important.

don't underestimate burns. the second ramirez had given up on him, burns came ripping through the lobby in a tow truck and slammed into the zombie hulk. it let out a eye popping scream and went through two walls when the truck hit it. burns casually stepped out of the vehicle and walked towards the limp creature. the wall had been devastated and opened up some new rooms. the tow truck had smashed the hulk through the building next door but had also opened up new areas of the police station.

burns wandered off towards the garage when ramirez ran over to him. “get in the fucking swat van ASSHOLE AND DONT FUCK UP OR GET YOURSELF KILLED, JUST SIT STILL DAMN IT!!” holy shit, ramirez ran over to where the hulk had gone through the wall. the hulk was launched into a room he’d missed before, full of plastic tubs. holy shit this was the evidence room! those tubs were full of evidence from different cases. he ran back towards Burns, “get over here! we need to open these and bring them with us!!” ramirez ran over as if the strength of a thousand men had just hit him and started fervently opening the plastic containers looking for anything useful. burns just stood there like a doof and watched, high as balls. the first few were nothing but papers but ramirez eventually found one which caught his attention. “fuck me.... jackpot.”

burns looked alive for a second and walked over. ramirez had found a tub with 8 kilos of coke in it. the next tub over was a bit heavier and had the same case number on it. that one contained 32 pounds of pot and a QP of heroin in it. holy shit. the next one was the same case number, 3 pounds of crystal meth.

this was taking too long, the hulk was starting to make noises and come to. ramirez handed one of the tubs to burns and pointed him in the direction of the swat van. ramirez grabbed one himself and ran towards the van. he was able to run back and grab the third tub while burns stumbled across the street. the hulk was still just groaning on the floor. ramirez went back for a third run when he heard a howl coming from the station.

the hulk had come to. it jumped up in a fit a rage and smashed through the building blindly. it had run head first into the garage and thrown a fit. ramirez ran back to the van and grabbed burns. throw burns in the back with the drugs, and ge the engine started. that tws the goal. he got burns into the side of the van and then jumped in the driver seat. as soon as he’d sat down, the hulk had burst through the front of the building, smashing another parked car. they were in trouble.

ramirez jammed the keys into the ignition and punched the gas pedal. they needed to get out of there. the hulk heard the engine jump and the squeal of the tires. ramirez turned the corner and headed up out of the valley. the hulk jumped up to the rooftop of the building across the street of the police station, let out a deafening roar, and then jumped down on top of a garbage truck behind the speeding swat van.

“oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck.....” screamed ramirez as he tried to drive away from the hulk. it wasn’t working, the hulk was just gaining on them and breaking valuable shit in it’s path. they tried to swerve down a side street and then loop back around to the main road. not much luck, the hulk was waiting for them, they had to swerve around a smashed car and through a pizza hut parking lot before they could get back to the state highway. the hulk was undeterred, it plowed through a bob's big boy front lobby before jumping onto a red roof inn and monkey stomped a ho-jo’s. ramirez cut a right down a wooded side road in a n effort to avoid the hulk chasing them. all they got was some crazy noises in the woods. the hulk jumped from one side of the road to the other and back again, it slowly got further and further away until the tree thrashing got quieter and quieter. as they raced down the side road and further out of town, the hulk noise got softer and softer. eventually ramirez made a right hand turn. an hour later he slowed down and eventually stopped on the side of the road.

“dude...”
“did you use my mace?”
“don’t know, i don’t remember doing it.”
this was the only conversation between them until they got back to the facility. 2 days’ of awkward silence was punishment enough for them both. they didn't have to talk about what happened or go over it in detail. what happened happened. move on. the zombies would only follow them so far and the hulk had seemed to give up on chasing the van. on the second day, burns came to and started acting normal again. he’d been off his “meds” for 48 hours now and things were starting to seem normal.

the next morning they experienced a blowout. the left rear tire blew out and they were stuck on the side of the road. burns got out and surveyed the damage and the surroundings. the van looked fine other than the flat tire. he grabbed the spare off the back and started to change the tire out. ramirez got off the van and headed to the side of the road to take a piss. the birds were chirping, squirrels were crossing the road and everyone was loose. from here they had about another mile to go until the compound. so close, ramirez grabbed an extra gun and checked all his ammo pouches. burns smoked a bowl and slammed a nip of jack daniels. they both got back on the van and strapped in. burns drove back towards the facility and did so in a hurry. the closer he got the more he could feel something chasing him.

about a quarter mile form the complex the trees started to move in circles. it sounded like a herd of buffalo were moving through the landscape. the noise grew louder and louder, drowning out he screams of the panicked. a hulk had jumped over the top of the tree line and the towers of the factory had seen it. they were on high alert and preparing for the worst. the swat van was still on route home to the facility and was hauling ass. they had no intention of waiting for the walkers to show up without the reinforcements of the factory guards.

unfortunately they did. with about a hundred yards to go to the compound, the swat van was pinned, there was a hulk coming up hard on their ass and wasn’t going to stop with a fence. it was wailing and smashing everything in it’s path. the guards on teh towers had picked up the hulk with binoculars but hoped it would take a different route to get here. the noise of the swat van hauling ass towards the compound had given the hulk plenty of queues as to where everone was. just follow the noise. ramirez had the swat van pinned, the hulk was gaining ground but still smashing everything it its sight. it was jumping from one side of the road to the other, smashing everything. the factory had built towers four stories high at this point. they saw the hulk coming from a mile away. there was a 2 man team on the op of every tower for the factory. one guy to point the gun and one guy to feed it.

two towers were in range of the hulk when it first came over the horizon. the swat van was driving in a zig zag pattern on it’s way in. the hulk was all over the place and the van was just a rabbit running its course. the hulk was coming up hard on the van when the tower guns let loose on the hulk. they were throwing minigun rounds at the hulk with ease. the first few took out its legs and then moved on to head shots as it laid in the street motionless. this just kept it busy. the swat van busted ass to get tot the gate, the hulk just wanted to smash and had to fight against 3000 slugs a second. it didn’t take long for the hulk to slow down and get shredded by the the tower guns. they were relentless and took their foe down a peg when they opened up on the enemy. the army still had a few highly effective weapons tucked away.

burns and ramirez ended up strolling into the compound with 30 pounds of weed, 6 kilos of coke, a QP of heroin and 2 pounds of meth. (don’t try to do the math, there's’ taxes at every stop). this should keep the bar going for a while. they’d brought back enough drugs to keep everything going for awhile. all it took was the towers to burn all their ammo on a hulk, burning a small town to a crisp and destroying a swat van tryin to get back to town. worth it? fuck yeah it was.

6 comments

I like these...you actually writing something?

By  bb, at Saturday, August 11, 2012 10:03:00 AM  

not yet. the more i do these the more i think about it. these zombie ones have just been a continuation of a game jesse tim and i play. its mostly a spoken word RPG that we've moved to the blog. if i'm going to work on something real it'll be on the side of this and be of a different topic. i've toyed with the idea of using the zombie stuff as warm up material for when i want to write something else.

By  Supreme Monkey Overlord, at Sunday, August 19, 2012 3:43:00 AM  

oh yeah, glad to hear you like them. its encouraging. seriously, critique me, let me know if its crap that's not worth reading.

part of my problem is that by the time i finished that one i was kind of drunk. the ending isn't totally what i wanted but i was loaded and just needed to wrap it up. i should edit this one to make it batter.

By  Supreme Monkey Overlord, at Sunday, August 19, 2012 3:48:00 AM  

BB:
Its a running story about the apocalypse. It started the day after the Macunas wedding. A series of natural disasters devastates the earth. Most people die. Also, whenever some one dies, they are doomed to walk the earth as a zombie. Jesse, Matt and Burns survive a tidal wave and are among the few survivors. They head south with some other survivors. Along the way they meet a musician, Lou. Lou turns out to be Lucifer, former ruler of hell (displaced by his top lieutenant Mestophicles - who Lou is hell bent on vengeance with), Lou has been trapped on Earth for 15,000 years. He is the boy's guardian angel. He has foretold that the union of Jesse's and Matt's grandchildren would result in birth of the Antichrist who will defeat Mestophicles and enable Lou to regain his throne in hell.

They've holed in a fictional Tennessee town called Kingsdale. Just outside Kingsdale, there is an industrial park consisting of an large Toyota factory and a Raytheon plant. A group of refugees (at this point roughly 700) led by the remains of a US Army battalion try to survive. They are led by a mysterious figure, The General (a woman).

The current date is August 10th. The average tempature is 60F (due to the eruption of Yellowstone, its cloudy everyday and rains constantly). The boys run a bar/whorehouse/casino out of one of the offices. At night the dead assail the refugees fortified factory. The human enemy is even worse.

And that's where we are at.

By  NoBrainRequired, at Thursday, August 23, 2012 5:18:00 PM  

started the day after the macunas wedding, or BECAUSE of the macunas wedding? if the latter, that was pretty irresponsible of macunas.

By  josh, at Friday, August 24, 2012 7:01:00 PM  

Not quite, in real time it started a month or two after the wedding. In the story, everyone leaves the Macunas wedding and goes back to the Looney house and parties into the wee hours of the morning. They get wakened by the first earthquakes at 6:30 or so in the morning, so they begin their tale with no sleep and huge hangovers. I felt it was a fitting way to go into the end of the world.

By  NoBrainRequired, at Saturday, August 25, 2012 8:04:00 AM  

Post a Comment