The Workermonkey

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

retarded squirrels 

# posted by Supreme Monkey Overlord @ 7/11/2007 06:05:00 PM

waking up to a noise in the kitchen isn't a big deal around here anymore with a cat. he's constantly knocking stuff over or playing with things that make noise. well today i woke up to a racket in the kitchen. coming around the corner i noticed the cat looking up at the window on the side. where, to my surprise, was a squirrel, stuck between the screen and the middle half of the window that was half open, on the inside. he was trying to get out and running back and forth from one side of the window to the other, over and over again in the same pattern. the window was half up so all he had to do was drop down 6 inches and he'd be gone. i opened the slider door and made a little path to lead him outside. grabbed the broom and fucking went at him between the windows. well, lets put it this way, that fucker could move fast enough to get around the broom and still stay in the window. so i stopped. it had already been about 5 minutes and i was going to be late for work. so i closed the window and went to take a shower. i left the cat in charge of the situation as he was wildly intent on staring at the squirrel from the kitchen floor. in the shower i decided to call the maintenance guy and see if he was around, i didn't want to cut a hole in the screen with out at least seeing if he had a better option. instead i got an answering service and some girl who sounded about 14. i told her of the situation, she sounded perplexed. i said if she couldn't get the guy to forget about it. must have been the strangest call of the day for her.

i went back into the kitchen after my shower to pretty much the same situation. cat looking at the squirrel in the window. it looks like the squirrel chewed a hole in the other window and was after either the cat food or something else. so, i grabbed a kitchen knife, opened the window a few inches and cut the corner out of the screen, then closed the window. moving the window didn't seem to phase the squirrel. it took him about 30 full seconds to realize he could get out, then another 30 to actually go out the whole. of course, i didn't exactly leave him with the best path down, its just a shear vinyl sided wall. he held on for like 5 seconds before doing a reverse swan dive to the ground and landing on all fours. bolted into the woods and immediately starting crying out in pain. it was one of the greatest things I've ever seen in my life. it was graceful and fulfilling.

i got the squirrel out with minimal hassle, kept my cool, and totally fucked him into leaping from the second story where he hurt himself. my final revenge. i hope that fucking retard is dead.

3 comments

hahahaha that's awesome

By  josh, at Wednesday, July 11, 2007 10:48:00 PM  

Nice, but it's unlikely he's dead, more than once I've seen a squirrel survive falling from power lines onto pavement.

By  Damon, at Thursday, July 12, 2007 7:35:00 AM  

...and thats why every household in America needs at least a BB gun.

By  ron, at Saturday, July 14, 2007 6:09:00 PM  

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