The Workermonkey

Friday, April 07, 2006

This is still where I live 

# posted by Brancibeer @ 4/07/2006 03:28:00 PM

There are some advantages to living in the dirty. Well, i guess its an advantage- Redneck mechanics. Theres plenty of them to go around. These guys love, i mean love, working on trucks. Once and a while when we get stuck or need something done we call on these greasy hill trolls to get us unstuck, or to bang the shit out of something (get it done). The further out you are in the county...the further out these guys are. I tend to avoid them when i can. 1) I can't really understand what the hell they are saying. They talk to me and i am able to catch maybe 1/5 words spoken. This proves to be difficult and often results in many frustrated hand gestures between the two of us. I have better luck speaking spanish in a chinese restaurant. 2) I dont enjoy bullshiting for atleast 30 mins about huntin, trucks, or freedom. This is a courtesy one must endure when attempting to leave their shops. Its mind numbing to me, but I put up with it for the sake of keeping good relations.

Anyway, i was frequenting our local redneck mechanic the other day. We received a very high estimate on one of our trucks from a professional business shop. So I decided to check with the redneck to compare prices. I arrived at the dirt driveway and pulled up to his garage. The outside is littered with old parts of vehicles along with a dilapidated swing set (which the 2 youngins were playing on). You know....typical. The redneck mechanic was busy (bullshiting) with another customer. This guy is the point of my story. Well, who else uses redneck mechanics you may ask? More rednecks! This customer was probably the most stereotypical redneck i ever saw. He was big, wore a wife beater, had a mullettude factor of about 6 and was juicing a huge wad in his cheek. A tattoo on his right arm depicted a confederate flag crossed by some guns. Encircling around this scene were the words, "100% Redneck". I couldnt quite make out the tattoo on the other arm. But the word "Fuck" started crookedly on his bicep and the rest ran up his arm under his sleeve. Both tattoos were, of course, fuzzy and poorly done (most likely the work of a close friend on a late Tuesday night after a heavy day of shootin and drinkin). I kid you not. This was the scene. Apparently i made the redneck uneasy by staring at him for so long. I sensed this and immediately turned away and began fumbling with my truck to blend in. It worked.

Oh, and how much did the redneck mechanic eventually charge me? $10. He got it done.

6 comments

not quite up to the level you're dealing with but i can find those ind of rednecks in VT all over the place. One is a friend of ours, Robert. they get shit done, its not always right or good, but it gets done. They are very helpful people, good people too. you just have to treat them a little....well, treat them as if they are simple. no big words, that confuses them and confusion leads to anger. keep it simple and they won't bullshit you if you don't bullshit them.

thats also a mulletitude factor to be proud of. 10$? what the hell was the problem?

By  Supreme Monkey Overlord, at Friday, April 07, 2006 4:16:00 PM  

Matt is right, I was going to mention the guy that fixes a hole in my exhaust system just by cutting it open, putting in a similarly sized cylinder to overlap the broken area, then welding it all back. Done at his house, in under a half hour, and for yes $10. I am not sure if that even covers the cost of electricity for the welder.

By  Damon, at Friday, April 07, 2006 4:24:00 PM  

"bang the shit out of something" - - - i'll say it again, help me decrease my tension and calm down some, branci - - surely you can think of a way!

By  sadielady, at Friday, April 07, 2006 5:24:00 PM  

hahahahahahahahahaha

sometimes i miss the south, but mainly it's cuz of the weather

By  josh, at Friday, April 07, 2006 7:04:00 PM  

of course when you get your car back, there's the "redneck stench" to get out.

By  JLee, at Friday, April 07, 2006 9:40:00 PM  

that is fucking hilarious. Dont shower for days in advance and get get a pair of dirty ass work pants covered in paint and grease. Talk extra slow and mumble. thats the best advice i can give you.

Yeeeeeeeehaaaaaaaaaaaa

By  murphy, at Saturday, April 08, 2006 10:09:00 PM  

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