The Workermonkey

Thursday, March 16, 2006

So, what happened to you at lunch today? 

# posted by Supreme Monkey Overlord @ 3/16/2006 01:23:00 PM

I left my wallet at home this morning so i figured i'd run back real quick and grab it at lunch. it takes 25 minutes each way and i have an hour for lunch, no problem. When i got out to my car, i realized i didn't have enough gas left to get home. shit. i scrounged 2.50$ out of my car and bought 1 gallon of gas. good enough, i got home, grabbed my wallet and headed back to the gas station so i could make it back to work.
I had to wait for the pump so i sat there twiddleing my thumbs waiting for this doofy guy to finish. well, he never really did, he finished pumping and then got back into his car and took off, but he left the hose in his tank and ripped it from the pump. it was hanging out of his car and he just went out the drive way and kept going. The hose fell out of his car as he turned the corner and he was gone. i got out of my car and stood there with my mouth open for about 30 seconds, until a cop pulled in. he looked at me funny until i pointed at the hose on the ground. He came over and asked if i saw what happened. i told him the whole story. he asked if i cought the liscence plate and i hadn't, it was a gold Saab and i'm sure i could point the guy out if needed, but iturned my head and looked at the pump. this stupid fuck paid with his credit card at the pump and just drove off. the cop and i had a good laugh andi said i really had to be getting back to work. he took my number and said he'd be fine, he went inside to get the clerk and i left.
the hose had one of those quick-disconnects on it for situations just like this. there was a little gas on the ground but the pump looked like it would be fine. i was amazed at what i had just witnessed and even more shocked that before i could process it, a cop showed up. who says the police are never around when you need them. if he only knew that moments earlier i had been checking on my new kids i'm sure this would have ended differently.
this half baked story doesn't end here. oh no, i managed to disrespect a corpse too. once this fiascio was over, i high taled it back to work down 91. as i passed the merit-parkway entrance, there were a bunch of cars up a head with thier flashers on. i didn't think anything of it, but i slowed down a little just in case. A black SUV doing about 50 to my 75 jerked the wheel and pulled in front of me. i had to hit the brakes, and pulled out to the next lane over. i passed the SUV and noticed it was a black woman pointing and yelling at me, she pointed up ahead to the rest of the cars and i noticed it was a funeral precession. shit. this wasn't just a nice old single line of cars kind of thing. the hearst was in the middle lane and all the other cars were fanned out behind it taking up the entire highway with thier flashers on. "oh what the fuck!?!" i was already going to be late back for work but doing 50 behind these idiots wasn't going to help. so i did what anybody would have done, tailgated the cars in the left lane at a dangerously close distance and honked a few times until they moved. fuck'um, i was late and this guy was already dead. you can't really expect people to close off the highway for a funneral can you? none of the cars were very nice so i figured that it probably wasn't anyone important and i had a good shot of not making the local news tonight.
When i got back, i was 35 minutes late and no one seemed to notice. maybe the ride home will be a little less eventful.

2 comments

hahaha i love it! that's great, matt.

By  josh, at Thursday, March 16, 2006 3:27:00 PM  

All I gotta say is wow. That IS awesome

By  DJ Booze Piñata, at Thursday, March 16, 2006 7:53:00 PM  

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