The Workermonkey

Friday, December 09, 2005

It's friday, we gonna get you higgghhhhh 

# posted by Supreme Monkey Overlord @ 12/09/2005 03:05:00 PM

today is the end of the great coffee experiment, i've increased my coffee consumption to LaRose-esque levels this week to see if it helps at all at work. normally i'd have maybe one cup first thing in the morning about 3 times a week, not too much.

this week i've been drinking it like its my job, wednesday i drank a full pot, yesterday i lost track and today i'm well past the one pot plateau. my hands are shaking and i can't stop moving some part of my body, my foot tapping, my hands fiddleing, head bobbing, something.

so far this week i can honestly say i've gotten less sleep then normal, not because of drinking/partying or anything, but i'm just not tired at night becasue of hte coffee. i've gotten less sleep then usual and i wake up earlier then normal. but the coffee is keeping me going. i've been trying to assess my levels of work output too to see if maybe my productivity has gone up. i think maybe its gone down, i'm doing more but acomplishing less, if that makes sense. it takes longer and more effort to acomplish the same tasks. and i can't focus, not that i ever really could but its been harder now that my brain is buzzing double time. i can't even focus on this post.

i had started wanting to write something about getting drunk tonight, but now i forget. that should help explain the title. with all this snow i think we should buy as much beer as possible and hibernate until monday. all i need is the warm glow of civ 4 infront of me and a cold beer next to my fully loaded johnny bong. oh coffee. wait. fuck, i had more ideas, i really did. fucking coffee, no more. every now and then i feel compleeled to go to the back of hte sop to work out a little of hte hyperness from the coffee but when i get back there i can't remember why i'm back there and end up coming back to my desk, essentially wasting 5 mintues for nothing. i guess the exercise is good for me.

damon, i'd love to write letters to my congressman all day but we'd have more success if we held a fund raiser and used to money to bribe one of them. it can cost as little as 12,000$. at least for a southern republican. a vote is a vote. maybe i'll get a keg and just keep it on the porch. its got to be cheaper than buying 30's and we're going to drink it anyway. wait that has nothing to do with politics. fucking coffee.

6 comments

Matt,
Coffee is a tool, like a hammer or an alligator. You need to apply the right amounts for the right situations.
For example:
Sitauation A - You need to sit through a long boring meeting: Lay off the coffee, it will ony make you fidgety and have to pee. On the other hand, if a lot of people are getting up to pee it could be good way out of the meeting.
Situation B - You drank too much while making up words with Kolpak: Apply coffee until vision straightens out, then switch to tea to prevent any unwanted gastrointestinal revolts.
Situation C: You've got a lot of work to do and quality doesn't matter. Drink coffee until your head feels like it's disconnected to your neck (Caution: Side effects include time travel).

Just remember: Coffee, unlike alcohol or marijauna, is an addictive and potent drug - too much can cause severe cognitive impairment as well as paranoia, jitters, time travel, agitation and the need for alcohol or marijauna.


Professor Spunkmeyer says: Coffee is safest consumed in combination with naked ladies.

By  Anonymous, at Friday, December 09, 2005 4:21:00 PM  

you think you can just pump up the dosage and be alright? my caffene intake requirements took years of hard work and no sleep to reach.

practice you must young patawon and do not be discouraged by the shakes. you too will someday only require 5 hours of sleep a day.

By  ron, at Friday, December 09, 2005 4:50:00 PM  

I dont do drugs...just coffee

By  Brancibeer, at Friday, December 09, 2005 4:56:00 PM  

i drink coffee on a pretty much daily basis now due to the amount of work. the intake has only increased with exams this week and next. matt, when i'm having trouble sleeping at night, a few beers counteracts the coffee quite nicely and usually does the trick. thus, i always have 2 things handy: fresh ground coffee, and coors light.

By  josh, at Friday, December 09, 2005 5:43:00 PM  

It's funny you have the beer and bong next to you and lay the blame on coffee for losing your train of thought.

I was working the middletown park like 4 years ago and the mainantence shorties would get me baked after I did a coffee run. So I'd be groggy, unnconventional, a little stupid, and yet really hyper. A few times I figured I'd pick trash on the trails and then I'd forge my own because it might be shorter. I would end up literally climbing up a muddy slope or cliff. I'd come back covered in sweat and dirt and my boss would be like "what do you DO when I'm not looking??"

By  DJ Booze Piñata, at Saturday, December 10, 2005 3:46:00 PM  

You should right a book, or a movie. Macunas that is....

By  Brancibeer, at Monday, December 12, 2005 9:20:00 AM  

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