The Workermonkey

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Thumbs Up 

# posted by DJ Booze Piñata @ 11/02/2005 07:14:00 PM

So I go to this Halloween party in Ivoryton (exit 4 off rt. 9) at the residence of a couple newlyweds whom Kristen has known for years. Kris was Officer Naughty. I just donned some sparring gear and my kungfu outfit. With my gloves on I kept crushing every beer can while I was drinking them. It was fun stuff for awhile; good folks.
Around midnite Kris and I are lounging in the back bedroom for some reason or another (...). Jenny's brother Nick (Headless Man) comes in and asks if we want to smoke. Of course we do.
"Well, either of you got any?"
"......."
Kris packs hers up. I participate. Then Nick bounces.
A few minutes later Colleen (neo-wife, Bunny) comes in and verbally lays down the law. Neither of the couple smokes anymore so it's not cool in thier house. Okay, cool. Apologies around. A couple minutes later Jason (neo-husband, Lucifer) comes in absolutely raging, with mask off but smeared red paint all over him.
"WHATTHEFUCKDOYOUTHINKYOUREDOINGTHEFUCKYOUTHINKYOUCANDOWHATEVERYOUWANTINMYHOUSE"

So I'm like "easy, buddy," trying to placate him. I'm a natural diplomat usually, plus I didn't want to test the fact he's in the army.
"THERESAFUCKINGFANINTHEGARAGEGETTHEFANANDBLOWTHISSHITOUTOFMYHOUSE"

As soon as I set foot in the garage he's behind me like
"Well, do you see the fucking fan!? DOYOUSEETHEFUCKINGFANITSRIGHTFUCKINGTHERE!!!!!

Whoakay - Lucifer's getting out of hand. I'm not sure what happened in between but he ended up rushing me a bunch of times and we had some rolling fights thru the house and into the front yard. Expecting to go to bed I was taking off my sparring gear but still had my helmet on, luckily. I remember getting brought to the ground but finding his face with my bare foot a few times in quick succession. At some point my hand must've been near his face (jab w/ no recoil?) and he took my thumb in his mouth and bit it. I thought he'd let go must he just kept gnawing in there. The outside's mostly fine since that's bone, but he really sunk into the inner flesh. My digit's been supersized for the past 4 days. It's a Kolpack thumb.

In between rushes, other party monsters tried jumping in and stopping Lucifer from devilry. A few girls caught damage by trying to actually pigpile him. I started worrying about his friends stepping in against me so I heeded thier suggestions to leave.

"Kristen, you fine to drive?"
"Nope"
"Get in the car anyways!"

Kristen started arguing but the sound of smashing glass from inside convinced her too. Turns out the dude put his hand thru the window thinking it was a door or something. Pissed off wife, now. So we left some stuff there that others collected for us. Better than sticking around. All this for just being in the room and trusting that the others (who knew the hosts better) had tacit permission.

Just as weird, later that night, 3am, Jenny felt the rage too and bit her brother (headless Nick, who received no blame for the smoking incident.) He decides to drive home but gets lost in the same 1 block area and calls his mom to pick him up, fearing Jenny. At 3am.

So Jason and Colleen call Kristen to apologize Sunday night. She told them to call back after the Simpsons we're busy. So anyways he said his sorrys and I also apologized but he realized that I had very little to do with what he saw as disrespect. Although the thumb throbbed for a few days I think I came out on top with this one. I broke one of his ribs and gave him a fat lip and loose tooth. He doubts he even landed punches on me. Owes me a steak dinner too, if I ever decide it's worth taking up.

The morale: You don't need a year of kungfu to be a fighter. Just wear the tunic and you'll think like a champ! Guaranteed!

P.S. I bought Civ 4 everybody watch out now.

4 comments

hahaha that's awesome. h-town represent!

By  josh, at Wednesday, November 02, 2005 10:02:00 PM  

Yeah those military guys are fucked up in the head. Kill kill kill!!! He's been reconditioned.

By  Brancibeer, at Thursday, November 03, 2005 10:00:00 AM  

that guys jason is an asshole, i almost fought him a couple of times when i was with jenny

By  murphy, at Thursday, November 03, 2005 2:15:00 PM  

sounds like a good husband eh? you know with all the raging and breaking stuff.

By  ron, at Thursday, November 03, 2005 3:56:00 PM  

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