The Workermonkey

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Introducing.... 

# posted by Brancibeer @ 7/14/2005 09:00:00 AM

*Note- Brancibeer has written this piece out of respect and enjoyment of his friend. Brancibeer knows of this to be factual based on his experience with the slammer. For confirmation contact MB or JM. Yeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

The Slammer is from Alabama. The slammer is the kind of guy who drinks and smokes incessantly, while not really listening to what you are saying. He will occasionally nod and say, "right on" in his rolling voice with his head cocked and eyes squinted.

The slammer is easily riled. He will start to yell for no apparent reason, and he may bang on walls with his fist. He has been known to howl, "Take off your clothes!" out of the blue. He is the type you would expect to get into bar fights and randomly kiss woman in those bars, probably on the same night. That is how he met his girlfriend.

The slammer loves beer, weed, and music and can potentially disconnect from the entire world when near one or all three. The slammer will break out in the song that is quietly playing in the background in the middle of your conversation. He will then walk away singing leaving you dumbfounded.

The slammer doesn't like to be peppered with questions. What are you, a cop?

The slammer is the type of guy who calls for, "Freebird!" in the middle of a Bob Dylan concert in Birmingham, Alabama. He loves Dylan, but you’re in Alabama god damn it!

The slammer will turn the volume ALL THE WAY UP when watching the DVD concert of 'The song remains the same'. His girlfriend will discourage such behavior but already know her words are not heard by the slammer. He does not listen very well and he is a stubborn son of a bitch. The speakers will forever be distorted.

The slammer will call for such southern delicacies as, "Corn bread! Sweet tea! Biscuts! gravy! Bacon! Pancakes!" In that order, over and over to the same girlfriend in the kitchen at 2am on a Friday. The northerner sitting next to the slammer concurs and joins in. The girlfriend ignores them both.

He does not like playing games or cards. The slammer likes to shoot pool and play darts. He loves drifting away in his head playing the guitar. He will sometimes get up in front of the mirror and do so while the rest of the party is still sitting. He may start playing that guitar loudly so you have to yell to the person across from you. He pays no attention.

The slammer is a burning liberal with some whacked-out ideas. Some of them are valid, and some of them are outrageous. Mostly he wants everyone to leave each other alone. What are you a cop?

The drunker the slammer get, the more Alabama in him comes out. Since he is not listening to you anyway, what he says will be irrelevent to anything. You will be confused when the slammer slurs something to the effect of, “Reckon so my pardon”. What?

1 comments

sounds like a real character

By  ron, at Thursday, July 14, 2005 12:24:00 PM  

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