The Workermonkey

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

The Stoners Friend and all Purpose supplier-The Head Shop 

# posted by murphy @ 3/22/2005 10:00:00 PM

I couldnt stay away for long. After all this Fucking site is the Homepage on my laptop I was bound to repost. I will not, however, make any apologies for what i have written in the past. Something was said, I reacted-in your opinion my words were too harsh and you are entitled to that. I notice that Damon has not posted since my last post. My intention was not to cause a boycott or make anyone feel unwelcome. Fuck it.

With that said tonights story is about Head Shops and the value they have to the everyday stoner. The following story is fictional. None of the events happened to me or anyone i know-with that said.....

A head shop to a stoner is like a hardware store to a carpenter or a feed store to a farmer. A one stop shop for everything you need to lead you desired sub-culture lifestyle. I remember my first time at a head shop with my best friends brother. Me and D and my brother went down to old saybrook to a place called OG and bought some supplies. I got a few posters and some other stuff and marveled at all the glass creations of various designs. D asked for the Guy for a whipped cream kit. At the time I did not understand why he wanted to make whipped cream so bad. He told me to shut up and my brother just laughed.

Over the years I have gone to various head shops, for pieces, gifts for girls or relatives etc. Women always like tapestries, whether they partake in your hobby or not. Women like to get something other than candy and flowers once in a while, or so Im told. I really know nothing about women. Back on topic--More recently I went to the head shop for a different reason. You see my body had been clogged with undesirables. Certain substances ingested into the body leave traces long after the desired/undersired effect has occured. Solution was to flush out these traces using a supplement drink from the local shop. Since i am over 220 lbs I was required to ingest a double dose-a quart of "rasberry" flavored cough syrup like drink-in order to pass my upcoming drug exam for my recent employement.

I managed to give up my former vice for an entire month but to be absolutly sure i went the way of the King and downed the vile concoction. The King being an old friend and an advocate of the process i was about to endure.

It was 12:30 when i took the drink and the exam was not until 200. This gave me an ninety minutes to kill and wait for the drink to do its thing. I was warned by the King that my bladder would be assaulted and a monsterous need to piss would mount. this i gathered would happen being that i was drinking a quart of the stuff in addition to a half gallon of water. No shit.

For the First 30 minutes i fought off my bodies desire to puke, by taking continuous small sips of water. I did not have to piss but i felt the need to shit and soon. I stopped at the Mac donalds and left a massive present in their facility.

All was going smoothly, got on the highway and got off the right exit to go to the docs office. the Urge to piss still absent, but the urge to shit rising. this one was different, I only had this feeling in my stomach once before when i had eaten some meat in tacos that was a little grey before i cooked it. The feeling can only be described by saying that my ass was literally going to explode.

After going down the wrong way and getting lost, i turned around franticly and prayed-yes prayed to god-that i did not shit my pants on the way to the doctors. Success, the office found and in i went. Nothing looks more suspicious than a man demanding to use the bathroom before a piss test. "Sir you have to fill out these before...." NO! now i said, "okay but blah blah blah" She pointed me down the hall to the right.

I rushed in barely closing the door and unleashed the fury that was my ass. Two flushes, washed up back to the paperwork, got the cup filled it and left. all the while playing off my sickness as a cross between too much booze and a stomach bug. the nurse noticed the cut on my forehead from fighting the night before and i simply told her it was a long weekend.

Aside from the near anal leakage experience, the head shop guy steered me right. I went back to the man and told him my story and said that there was no mention of the previous days fury by him or by the label on his product. He then pulled a bottle off the shelf and pointed to the words that proved me wrong, adding "jackass" in retort to my condescending tone. The moral of this story dont fuck with the head shop guy even if he does look like tommy chong he can be very helpfull.

In conclusion i love pussy

im out

2 comments

Well done on yet another "oops i almost crapped my pants" story. You continue to amaze and amuse me.

By  Brancibeer, at Wednesday, March 23, 2005 12:13:00 PM  

Yeah, I got lost too, it took me an 2 hours to find the damn place. I thought i was going to die or piss myself. The last five minutes were the worst. I really thought about going in my panse in the car, I debated with my wife as to whether or not i could only "pee a little bit" and not get noticed. It was hell. But worth it. I feel as though god was punishing me for cheating.
I love pussy as well.

By  Anonymous, at Wednesday, March 23, 2005 7:26:00 PM  

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